~ My Eat Pray Love shame* ~

While my recent Yoga Shame post was contentious, I'm very aware that writing this next post may get me excommunicated from the Blogosphere, so i am writing this at my OWN peril...

I don't like Eat Pray Love.

Please believe me when i say I wanted to love it. As a single gal I wanted to soak it in and be inspired by her journey of independence and revelations; I wanted it to be a book i felt moved to keep with me at all times, a book i would scribble notes in and underline passages in pencil.

But that just didn't happen.

Simply put, I didn't like the way she wrote it - it read like one very long magazine article, a style of writing that works for 2,000 words in a glossy publication but not, for me at least, in a book. I have only read the book once, and no longer have it in my possession so i can't double-check, but my overall impression was that the Italy section was superfluous, the India section touched on interesting things but felt rather forced (a stay in an ashram that didn't have a spiritual experience attached to it could still have been powerful), and Bali was forgettable and self-centred, with a panic to find a bloke at the end. I hated the ending. It felt like such a cop-out, as if she thought her book should end with a relationship so she jumped on the nearest guy. I would have been more moved if she'd ended the story as a strong single woman, ready to take her newly acquired self-knowledge back to America to start writing her book and start mindfully living her new path.

The book didn't hold any surprises for me. It read as i feared it would read: a wee bit surface, with not enough grit or texture. Just like a magazine article. I seem to remember that she was commissioned to write the book/take the trip, so that in itself threw up a few question marks for me. Can we plan to go and find ourselves in this way? Or does it just happen when you least expect it, when you're doing the dishes or walking through the park on a warm autumn day. I know that if i planned a trip to those three countries, my experience would probably be a lot more pedestrian than that of Ms Gilbert's. Maybe the book jarred with me because i've found my own revelations in the humdrum normality of my everyday life. The idea of going to another country to find what we're looking for is so seductive, so incredibly appealing, that i can understand why this book is beloved by so many; I'm catching a flight to Canada tomorrow, and as i haven't been on a plane in two years i'm excited, hoping some travel will stretch my mind out of its day-to-day shape. But i also know that my deepest searchings, and my most excavated self, were found in the quiet moments sitting at home, journeying inside rather than outside.

I tried to read the book again recently, hoping i'd find the deeper meaning that I'd obviously overlooked, but i didn't make it past the first ten pages - her tone just alienates and irritates me. I have since given the book away. It's just not meant to be. But you know what the irony is? I'd love my Unravelling book to be as popular and well-received at EPL - who wouldn't? I remember when i bought EPL I was hoping it would inspire me to start writing my own story - a story i've been penning in pieces since 2005 after he died - but what actually happened was i discovered the style i didn't want my book to be written in. I'm not saying I'm going to be writing high-falutin' literature - far from it! - but i guess i envision more poetry woven through it. And more everyday textures.

I'm sure there were parts of EPL that i enjoyed, and paragraphs and turns of phrase that spoke to me, and I am not knocking anyone who loves the book. Hell, that's why so many books are published each year - so that there is something to suit everyone's tastes.  And i must take my hat off to Elizabeth Gilbert - she got the book deal, she took the trip and she wrote the book. And she's enjoyed fantastic success from it while touching people's lives, and we need lots more of that good stuff.  I fully support any woman who has work published as it is a long-held dream of mine too; if i was to put my words into book form and send them out into the world i know I would open myself up to criticism too, and I've often wondered how that would feel, considering how brutal a negative blog comment can feel.

So in summary, I know many of my blogging peers enjoyed Eat Pray Love, and for some reason I felt the need to hold up my hand and admit that i didn't. I did, however, really enjoy her recent TED talk; i just wish she'd written the book in the same voice she used that day.

* This post was brought to you today by my ramblings on Facebook and Twitter, and by the number five.

Comments

[Corrie]

I bought the book but just couldn't get around to finishing it. The best thing I've taken away from it is the expression "Don't grow a wishbone where your backbone should be".

[Jennifer Dempsey]

I could be wrong (it wouldn't be the first time and certainly won't be the last) but I believe that instead of being attacked for bravely stating your opinion here, you will be pleasantly surprised to find many kindred spirits who share your view. Once Oprah says she likes something and millions of people agree with her, it's hard to say anything to the contrary. Thank you for offering up this space as a safe haven to do just that. Abandoning your responsibilities and loved ones to "find yourself" in some exotic locale simply isn't practical for most women and they shouldn't be made to feel that they have to make such a journey in order to grow. There is no geographical cure. Wherever you go, there you are. You can expand yourself and learn to love yourself in the context of your everyday life. Unravelling can happen anywhere.

[charlane]

you bring up some good points and maybe that's part of why I liked it, I'm a magazine addict in addition to being a reading addict in general. did you know she's now marrying the guy? that was interesting.

but i do feel about being commissioned to write like i feel about oprah's weight loss antics - if i had enough money to support the things i need to change, i could change easily - right? it's the doing on the on - the real (to me) stretching that tells the true tale.

[Susannah]

oh, i didn't know they were getting married- i'm glad the relationship *was* love. that's good to hear! :)

[grace]

lol !
thank you for your honesty.
i thought it was wonderful. i was sucked right in on the bathroom floor with her and took more of the emotional ride through the book and really enjoyed it. i also saw her on an interview and was impressed by her surprise at the books success since she had written others and not gotten the same reception. now if and when you read The Three Junes and you don't like that i may have to ring you and have a chat :)
my confession is while everyone was crazy for the beatles i was off dancing to motown and still am - hahahaha
see you soon!
grace

[Rachelle Mee-Chapman]

Oh, loads of people don't connect with EPL. I wanted to throw the book at her head when she entered the flaming blue light in India. I was just recovering from a situation where I was overdosed in spiritual drama, and just did not need that at the time. And I too was skeptical about the romance at the end. However, I did love how much the Indonesian section about building the house echoes my dear friend Jen Lemen's experience in Rwanda. The one phrase I took away from the boo, "don't be a bullshit" -- which I tell people often(myself included.)

I did however ADORE Gilbert's TED talk and use it as a guiding light.

I was just telling my husband this morning that a book is right around the corner for you. I know it's going to be great!

[Roxanne]

I bought the book on a recommendation from a friend (won't be taking her recommendations seriously, anymore). I had just become newly separated, and had done my share of crying in the bathroom. I thought, like you ... I'd find some substance there. NADA.

I did not even get through the first chapter before ditching it. I agree with you whole-heartedly. It's a paper tiger ... somewhat shallow. Also, disappointing, in that it seemed more like a poorly written travelogue, that one woman's road to self-discovery, in the wake of a separation.

[Roxanne]

One needn't go anywhere to find oneself. Canada, eh? Cool (I'm in Vancouver). Have a safe trip.

[jodie]

funny timing...i just took it along on vacation for a re-read, and found myself much less enamored than the first time. note: the first round was PRE-oprah blitz and i had no expectations. oh, and i definitely agree with the other comments, i recommended to a friend who HATED it (and probably won't be taking my recommendations anymore!)

on a separate note, as a fellow dreamer-of-publishing-fame, i agree that we can make greater connections with our audience with the day-to-day inward journey than some extravagant trip that most will never experience.

and kudos to you for choosing authenticity and a wonderfully honest critique!

[sushi lover (sara)]

I found the book in the lodging we had rented for a couple of days in Rome. As I was in Italy I thought it would be funny to read. I have no idea about the following chapters but just the first one was so crappy! I couldn't stand it. Like you say I hated her tone and her supperficially way of talking, and (for the only chapter i read) all the clichés about the "italian" men.
I also agree that you can't plan to change your life, but travelling does make you open your eyes and senses, I believe that by removing all the confortable daily routines we discover new things!
I hope you have some excellent days in canada.

by the way, as I think this was the first time I commented on your blog let me just say that it was a great discovery for this year! I'm a faithful reader now and I appreciate very much the inteligent and sensitive approach you have to life. wish you best success!

ps: but i'm not with you on the yoga subject, i love it! :)
but if we all loved yellow what would be of blue?

[beth]

I love your honesty !

[Sarah Ann]

I too had hoped to find some kind of inspiration from EPL. But, I couldn't even make it through the Italy section before I became bored and disenchanted. A running description of lasagna is somehow NOT that interesting to me. I rather be eating it than reading about someone else eating it, you know?

Your review, even though you didn't like the book, was beautifully written.

[megs]

I thought I was the only one! A great review - thanks!

[Kelly Jeanette]

Thanks, I thought I was the only one who didn't take to the book. I couldn't past Italy, either.

Your critque was well written. Have a safe trip.

[Karima]

It's a bit of comme ci comme ça for me. Like many things, there are bits and bobs of the book that are fabulous, much like her Ted talk, and there are other parts that I found myself shaking my head at. The notion of being paid to make such a journey to find oneself has me feeling either absurdly jealous, or absurdly judgemental at the narcissism of it all.

And btw, like others have commented, I like the yoga thing, but primarily at home with a dvd. It's good for the lower back. Coming into corpse's pose at the end of a session is worth all the other boring moments :-).

[twitter.com/ricera]

I'm also one of the people who thought I was the only one who didn't like this book. Your remarks mirror my own feelings. Thanks!

[brittany]

I'm so glad to know I wasn't alone in my dislike of that book.

i heard such good things and opened the book eagerly. blah blah blah. I wanted to grab ahold of her and shake her by the shoulders and tell her to snap out of it. I can't imagine being inspired by someone running far away, hiding from everything and then giving up her integrity at the end of it all. I'm confounded every time I read a raving review and wonder how this book could have changed lives.

[Carol]

I'll let you into a little secret, I've never read the entire book. I'll admit that I enjoyed the Italy section, was kinda interested in the India section.. but by time she arrived in Bali I was bored and didn't finish reading it. I have attempted it a few times since then, but haven't read more than a few chapters.

Peace
Carol

[Katherine]

Oh my gosh...I swear these were my exact words when I read the book. I still can't figure out why it was so popular! I wish the author well and I'm happy for her success but I was left scratching my head on this one. B*O*R*I*N*G, vapid, self-centered, not the least bit magical, lyrical, engaging or inspiring. Thanks for saying this out loud. I thought it was just me.

[Fiona]

I bought the book after listening to her TED talk and yes, it disappointed a little. I couldn't put my finger on anything I didn't like, but I didn't love it either. Somewhere in the middle for me. I love your words about going away to find yourself, it's so much more scary to sit in your living room with a notebook and pen and yourself for company.
Enjoy your trip!
Fiona :)

[Nicole]

Welcome to the club. I wanted to like it too because of all of the hype, but I thought it was dreadful. Absolutely dreadful.

:)

[Enid]

We all have different things that resonate with us that just don't resonate with others. And that to me is just part of life. It's interesting to me when someone states clearly and intelligently that they don't like something, there are always others who want to jump down their throats so to speak.

I too had issue with EPL, but I got it in audio form via Itunes. I couldn't get past her trip to Italy. I left her somewhere in a restaurant never to return. I respect that there are those who love what she had to say, but I think they should respect those of us who just didn't vibe with her adventure.

[Lisa]

WHERE is the lovely image from in this post?! *love it*

[Susannah]

Hi Lisa, it's art work from a gallery window in Bath :)

[Michele]

I couldn't get through the book...didn't enjoy anything about it so I didn't see the point in going on.

[postcards from...]

i've never read it. never even bought the book - well in paper form anyway...

i'm on my third (or fourth - i can't remember) attempt to listen to the audio book and still haven't finished it. i do feel like i ought to have been done with it well before now and somehow still can't find the time to finish it (even amongst listening to other things like david whyte over and over and over again in the same timeframe).

i really don't get that feeling of 'i suppose this is meant to be life-changing so what's wrong with me that i can't get into it' - even tho i do often feel that way!

i think you're just brave enough to come right out and say it and i save my confessionals for your comments section!!

[chris]

Funny, I like to hear about books people don't connect with. It almost seems like a breach of social custom to say that you don't like certain particular books. I find that almost every book Oprah gushes over is a real downer for me. EPL didn't hold up. I find that I can find validation within someone's story, who has obviously lost his/her way, and then makes a fortune writing about it and the regained way. I question whether or not that is someone from whom a person wants to take character lessons.

[alexa]

I'd never heard of it! Having visited Amazon to find out more, I learned that of the 87 reviews, 24 gave it three stars or less, so you are not alone. :)

[Harriet]

I hated the book. My book club read it...we are women from the age of 30 to about 70. I thought it a shallow.

[Erin Russek]

I didn't really like it either.When I was reading the India part I had the realization that my spiritual practice is cleaning up the kitchen, it's free, needs to be done and I don't have to get a book deal to do it. I don't feel that you need to go on a big adventure to find yourself...maybe just pay attention

[Carmen]

Good post. I was not fond of the book either and didn't finish it.
Where in Canada are you going? (I'm from Saskatoon.)

[Alison]

I've picked up EPL in bookstores a couple times and tried to read the first couple of pages to see if I'd give it a go. I've never made it past page 3. But, like you, I really enjoyed her TED talk.

I agree with you, it is so much more interesting when we find ourselves in our own spaces. Yes, I've learned plenty about myself while traveling in the past. But, it's really in the last year, where I couldn't run away from my home life and the reality of the moment that I've learned so much more about myself than any time before. Yes, these self-discovery through travel books are the current rage, but like you, I'd much rather read and know about others who have done it within their own four walls.

By the way, I only recently discovered your blog, and must say I love it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and work.

[Kerstin]

How funny. I read this book so long ago I had almost forgotten about it. I did quite like it once I got into it. Wasn't too taken by the first part for similar reasons that you mention (to me she came across like a spoiled Connecticut cheerleader), but I thought it got better after that. Like she started writing because she HAD to (because of the book deal) but then she found her own stride and began LIVING her journey and be more authentic with it. And actually, I loved the ending, I am a bit of a sucker for "happy romantic endings" :)

[Galia]

I want to come to Canada too. Ironically it is where I read EPL as it was in the house we stayed in and was an untaxing, light and quick read, so are you surprised its so popular. I'm currently finding my way through Mrs Dalloway again, something I would not tackle on a holiday when I'm wanting to get lost in another world not another book. EPL did not pull me out of Canada, did not compete at all (the only thing it competed with was the cable tv). I did however buy it for a friend going through her own ugly divorce as I knew bits would speak to her own experience. Where in Canada are you going? Totally green with envy. Post lots of piccies, I'm still ploughing through the odd thousands I took there:http://newlifetheblog.blogspot.com/search/label/Canada
Goodluck with finding coffee.

[valerie]

WHY I DON'T LIKE SUSANNAY CONWAYS UNRAVELLING ECOURSE

I did not like susannay conways unravelling ecourse. it is superfluous, forgettable and self-centred. susannah conways unravelling is a wee bit surface, with not enough grit or texture. i must take my hat off to Susanna Conway: she takes up to 160 persons in one course, each paying £80 – she earns £12800 with every ecourse! easy money. she sucks because she is in such a panic to find a bloke, she would jump on the nearest guy.

* This post was brought to you today by my ramblings on Facebook and Twitter, and by the number five.

[Alena]

Easy money you think, giving of yourself and your energy to 160 people. I'm exhausted just thinking of the prospect. As for being brave enough to be open and honest, placing yourself in the path of such insipid and loathing comments. Seriously, get a life Valerie.

[Susannah]

wow, thanks for your comment Valerie.

after 5 years of living life on my own after a bereavement, i wouldn't say i'm in a panic to find a bloke.

enjoy your sunday

ps i'd be happy to offer you a place on the course if you'd like to try it for yourself.

[Jo]

Oh 'Valerie'. I'm truly sorry your life is so sad and empty that you need to resort to leaving this kind of meanness on someone else's blog. And by the way, you forgot to leave a contact address so we can discuss your thoughts. Oops.

[boho girl]

i love how i can totally love this book and you still love me the same. ; )

i think i'll sneak into your cabin next week, snuggle up in your bed and read you a few chapters to help you fall asleep.

i'll even do voices.

love you, brave beautiful woman...who is helping hearts soar just by sharing your story.

[Chloe]

"Birds have wings; they're free; they can fly where they want when they want. They have the kind of mobility many people envy."- Susannah, you have found your wings, the negative comments of those who haven't is spiteful and not worth a second thought. Enjoy your trip x

[Nathalie]

Hi,
I've never read the EPL book, but I kindda understood the importance it has in the bloggosphere. I just discovered blogs and the connections between each other and I like how they give you a sense of community and belonging (even if you're only a reader). The message it reinforces is usually "be yourself", "have fun in creativity", "be brave". It is all very positive and I needed this but sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming with good intentions (it feels like it lacks a sense of humour -I mean irony).
I am quite glad for this post (and the yoga one) and those reactions. We can be positive and critical (you are very balanced in your post and I admire that), we can be good and sharp. Woman have a brain as well as ideals, and your post helps me prove it to those who don't really get why I like blogs so much.
(I hope this comment does not sound snobbish!)
Good continuation. I hope I'll make the registration in January.
N

[rebecca]

susannah,

i am comforted by your take on finding meaning in the everyday. i think the "mountain top" experiences are important too, adventure and seeing the new... but i agree that when we have found ourselves in the quiet and lonely times, we have found something true and strong.

[Victoria Hart]

AMEN, thankful someone saw it the way I did. I did not read the book after seeing the author on Oprah; I didn't trust or believe her to be truthful. I didn't waste my time and am glad to hear my instincts were right on!

[karen]

Well it looks like your fears of alienating you bloggers was unfounded ;-)

You were honest in your review and not negative in your tone and that is very refreshing.

[Mary-The Yellow Door Paperie]

Susannah,
I totally agree with you about reading the book, then I got it as an audio book, where Elizabeth reads it herself, and I liked it much better.

I feel the same way with movies or books, if they are talked about like crazy, and everybody has read them. I find them really hard to get into and I'm usually disappointed.

You might like the book Tales of a Female Nomad, it is wonderful.

[Roxanne]

Seriously, Valerie ... AYFKM? And ... is that "hit and run" comment really the best you've got?

Put your money where your mouth is, grrrrrl. Let's see you develop a coure like that, the administer it, and intereact with EACH ONE of those 160 people.

Have you grieved a love of your life ~ someone with whom you shared life ... a relationship that came to in many ways, define you?

Since you've got it all figured out, how about you share it with the rest of us ... please.

[vera b]

phew. so glad there are others who feel the same way about it. i couldn't even bring myself to finish it. i so so wanted to like it, i really did, but it just felt all over the place for me and i couldn't connect with it. guess we are all different and like and relate to different things. :0)

[misti]

I think this is the first time I've heard of someone not liking it, but I can understand how. I, personally, really enjoyed the book, but yes, I did think her Bali personality was a bit different from the rest.

[Samosasforone]

I didn't like it either. I watched her TED Talk a few months ago and thought it was okay. Honestly I don't think her writing has made her a success. I think the audience's reaction is what is making people think she is wonderful. They are filming her movie in NYC. Apparently Julia Roberts is playing her. And her ex-husband is currently penning his own book.

[michelle shopped]

haven't read your post beyond that you don't like it -- and guess what -- i'm now brave enough to write my own -- thx for being so courageous and honest -- i wrote my feelings in my private journal but only shared them with a few souls...when i have more time after work i gotta come back and read this -- see you at squam and i can tell you where to stalk polaroid film for your stash...