Ink on my fingers

~ The word ~

Last year's word was visible, and even though I said it out loud I didn't know just how visible i was going to become. I guess i expected to choose a word and then just forget about it and go about my business; apparently that's not how it works. If you set your intention on a word, it might just come true, hence the need to choose your word wisely. In 2009 I finally attached my full name to this blog, started posting videos of my face (!) and was accosted by two blog readers in public (which i'll admit was really really lovely :) Lately I've been feeling like i'm all over the internet which occasionally gives me the shivers (i googled 'susannah' the other day and was on page one of the results. Page one! It was a weird feeling, people - a bit like leaving the house without any trousers on).

I thought my word for 2010 was going to be love, as that is the one thing/state I have yet to draw back into my life, but over the last few weeks I realised that I want a bigger word, a word that will encompass all that i'm wishing to create in my life - in love, work, living and playing. So, after more thought, my word for 2010 is...
The last year has seen the creation of a solid foundation, and now I'm ready for take off. I envision this next year as a pliable thing, something i can knead and mould, and make into any shape i want. So why not make it BIGGER? Expanding to make more room for abundance and creativity. Horizons stretched, barriers conquered. An expanded heart to welcome my nephew into the world; an open door for love to find me again. I want to chase after my dreams and make them happen; I want to be brave and bold in my choices. I want to live widely and colourfully; to believe whole-heartedly and shine my light brightly.

What's your word for 2010?

Maybe you need three words? If you want to explore this idea a little deeper check out Christine Kane's (free) Word of the Year workbook and Goddess Leonie's colourful Workbook & Planner. Maybe this will be the year you break up with fear? Or find out what your superpower is?

Anything is possible! I'll meet you back here tomorrow next year with something pretty for your desktop... Happy new year, friends!

~ The year in review ~

In January I launched the very first session of Unravelling and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine i'd be where I am now, with four classes under my belt and about to enter into a fifth, each session selling out faster than the last. What i also hadn't imagined was how this course would create some wonderful online tribes; i've been amazed and humbled by how the Unravellers bond so tight and continue to work together even after the course has ended. I've heard of Unraveller meet-ups, phone calls, secret santas, an Unraveller's calender and rumours of a secret Valentine coming next year too!

There was so much to learn as my classes and online world stepped up into being a business of sorts (also didn't expect that) and I had to learn about marketing and promotion, making my word of 2009 become a reality in more ways than one (more on that tomorrow). This was also the year that...

... Twitter became a daily pleasure.

I gave myself permission.

My work was featured in Artful Blogging magazine and in Frankie magazine's first book, The Photo Album.

I began interviewing inspiring women for the blog in March.

I discovered I'm going to become an auntie!

In June I launched a brand new website, blog redesign and e-course.

I went to Squam Art Workshops via Montreal in September, and then fulfilled a lifelong dream by visiting San Francisco this month.

This month I also celebrated one whole year as an ex smoker!

I mused on originality and copying. 

I completed one year of Favorite Things with Alicia.

The lovely Jamie interviewed me in a podcast, and I revealed my face on Danielle's blog.

I sheepishly admitted my yoga shame.

I committed.

The mothership opened its door to me.

All in all, it's been a good year. I danced with bouts of illness and workaholism, and discovered that i don't always look after myself when busy, but through it all i've felt a renewed sense of purpose. I feel many ghosts from the past have been put to rest, and the grief of 2005 and beyond is far enough behind me to be able to put my hand on my heart and know it is healed. I feel proud of my independence, and my survival. I feel really proud to be doing work that is helpful to others while supporting myself. That is truly amazing to me, and i'm cooking up lots of good things for 2010. I'm so happy you're all here with me - thank you x

[Alex & I searched long and hard but we finally found it - the rainbow house in San Francisco!]

~ The Year of the Polaroids ~

It has been, without a shadow of a doubt, the year of the Polaroids for me. You didn't see THAT one coming, eh? I know I kept it pretty quiet. I bought my first Polaroid camera in April 2008 and from there the obsession has grown parallel to the increasing scarcity of film - just my luck. Nevertheless, my DSLR sat dejected in its bag for the whole 2009; even my Hasselblad is starting to gather dust, as I expose square after square of Polaroid magic. Yet despite this fetishistic love I have for the cameras, they're simply my medium of choice for recording the things I see. I don't want to take thousands of digital shots - i want to bring home a pocket full of Polaroids instead. They feel more precious to me, and once i've scanned them and corrected the colour, they take on a life of their own. This year I also ventured into Polaroid portraiture, which has encouraged me to start approaching strangers too. With any luck the Impossible Project will make good on its promise and give us new instant film in 2010, because this is one love affair that isn't going to end.

It wasn't easy choosing my favourite Polaroids from this year - there have been so many - but I feel these 14 shots illustrate how my style has developed over the last 12 months... Viva la Polaroid!

~ Merry Christmas! ~

Merry Christmas, friends! I hope you're all having a lovely day with family and friends and pets and good books and delicious food and a happy feeling in your heart. Thank you so much for joining me in my online space this year - your support and understanding and all-round loveliness means so much to me :) Cheers! xo

~ New traditions ~

Sitting on the sofa in my sister's house, watching her wrap presents in the kitchen and promising not to look when she wraps certain ones. A rerun of The Office is playing in the background as i type; Steve sips from a can of Guinness and i'm considering cracking open the fancy bottle of Trinidadian rum i bought for tomorrow. Earlier Abby was sitting beside me and I rested my hand on her tummy, waiting for my nephew's little kicks hello; we are all very aware that this time next year there will be a nine-month-old little monkey shuffling around on the floor. This is the first time in all our life that Abby & I have not spent Christmas Day at our mother's house, the house we grew up in. We were all gung-ho for something new this year, a change around in preparation for all the changes 2010 will bring to our family. Mum and her partner will arrive on Boxing Day, so for now we are cosy in my sister's home, with full stomachs and rosy cheeks, the cats padding around with their muddy paws, the Christmas tree lights twinkling, the bottle of rum calling. New traditions being made...

~ Polaroid ninja ~

Sometimes I would stand in the middle of the road to get a picture, looking both ways before making my move, focussing as quick as I could before pressing the shutter and rushing back to the kerb. Some of these photos would come out perfectly; others were underexposed, or crooked; some came out completely blank, but even those i remember - i remember what they could have been. I don't like to look like a tourist. I keep my camera in my bag when I'm not using it and try to blend in with the crowd, not always easy when you're brandishing a vintage Polaroid.

~ Awesome hot cakes ~

You know what i need right now? Some awesome hot cakes. Can you imagine how awesome they must be, to actually be labelled 'awesome'? I'm thinking they must be the sweetest, most delicious, memory-making plumpcious awesomest cakes in the history of cake making - THAT's how awesome* they are.

Yep, sure would like to be eating one of those cakes right about now...

* awesome cakes are calorie-free and do not make you feel sick if you eat three in one go, unlike the mince pies i have just stuffed my face with.

~ Travel tips for non-travellers ~

Let me start by saying I have never owned a backpack. Nor will i ever use this non-existing backpack to travel across Asia. It's just never going to happen, as much as i like the romance of the idea. But the reality is a) i like my creature comforts and b) i can only sleep well in my own bed (and sometimes that doesn't even work). To try to sleep in tents and on ten-hour train rides would be a one-way ticket to misery. But this most recent trip has taught me a few tricks, so i thought i'd share them in case, like me, you don't-travel-well-but-want-to-visit-places-anyways.

* Your best friend is your MP3 player. It offers protection against the "public" when travelling; it provides an instant mood-changer when feeling out of sorts in a new country; it's a clock; add speakers and it's an instant party; it will help you merrily pass the time when waiting for delayed planes, trains and automobiles.

* Maybe i'm just getting old, but my life was saved every day by wearing these as i walked around town and these as i tried to sleep at night.

* Burning your favourite incense will make any hotel room feel like home.

* It's better, and cheaper, to purchase a SIM card from a local mobile phone shop. I didn't do this and almost missed my flight home because I couldn't dial out from my phone. *lesson learned*

* Taking your hairdryer is not only pointless (the different voltage will render the hairdryer virtually useless) it's also heavy. Use the hairdryer in your hotel/borrow a friend's, or take advantage of favourable exchange rate and buy a small one while you're there.
* Remember to take plug adaptors with you. I learned this one when i stupidly forgot to take any with me to Squam, despite numerous opportunities to buy them at Heathrow. To San Francisco? I took THREE.

* When facing an 8-hour+ time difference, invest in a hotel for the first two nights and spend the first day on your own. You won't be much fun while jetlagged and other people will irritate you, so best to keep to yourself for your own and other's safety. I walked (slowly) to the Marina and took in huge lungfuls of healing ocean air.

* On your second night in the hotel, if you complain about the noisy people in the room next door you may get upgraded to a new room that is three-times bigger at no extra cost. *result!*

* Never order poached eggs from room service - invariably they will be underdone (read: raw) and you'll still have to pay $40 for a crappy breakfast and then head out to buy a sandwich in Starcrack (which you should have done in the first place had you not been so lazy).
* Never EVER consume anything from the mini bar.

* Pack less than you think you'll need (apart from underwear - allow one pair of knickers per day, with an extra pair for luck). I ended up leaving half my clothes at Alex's house when i went to San Diego to visit Denise; I just didn't need all that extra weight and came home with half a suitcase of unworn clothes - pointless and heavy to carry.

* If you find yourself in a flea market while on holiday, resist the urge to buy that gorgeous vintage globe you find - you will spend the rest of the trip pondering how to get it home.

* Estimate at least two packs of Polaroids per day.

* Remember to keep your camera batteries charged and ready to go. So you don't end up walking along Valencia Street on your last day with a million sights you want to capture and a dead camera in your bag. *sigh*

~ People ~

I'm slowly working my way through the Polaroid scanning, savouring the sights I captured while my body clock tries to reset itself. My thoughts about my trip away, and what it all means, are still jumbled, and I'm in that strange place of being at home but feeling i should be elsewhere. And not feeling the least bit Christmassy, but i know that will change once i'm with my family next week.

There's something about being abroad that makes you bold; my time in San Francisco saw me take my very first stranger portraits, something i've never had the nerve to do here. It started with my delayed flight to San Diego, chatting to the guys beside me as i sat on the floor of the airport, twittering the time away. Charming and funnny, they were a rock band on their way to Kansas City to play a gig that night, and when we eventually made it on to the plane they'd saved a seat for me - utterly charming, i tell you! And so my first stranger portrait was of Sammi, their lead singer.

Emboldened by this Polaroid triumph, I snapped Airyka (above) a few days later when i had lunch with Alex and Mati at Tartine. And later that afternoon it was the guitarman on Valencia Street whose name i didn't get - the ultimate zipless portrait, perhaps? :)

Sadly (and stupidly) I didn't manage to get Polaroid portraits of all the friends i spent time with while i was away, but the few i did capture i hold close to my heart. For me, this holiday was all about Polaroids (every day someome would comment on my camera and ask me if i could still get film for it - every day! The ultimate conversation starter), that amazing city and the lovely souls who live there.









[from the top: Airyka at Tartine; Mati Rose; Denise & Cedar; Sammi at San Francisco Airport; Alex; Kelly Rae & Mati; Lisa; unnamed guitar player on Valencia Street; Andrea, Mati, Leslie & Kelly Rae with Mr Pickle; Denise & me]

~ The colours of Chinatown ~