Naughty Words Wednesday

In real life I swear a lot. On the blog - rarely. In front of my mother? Never. It's a respect thing - she doesn't swear so i don't swear in front of her. Because i love her (I love you, Mum - don't read the comments on this post, okay?)

But back to real life - for today's commenting experiment i thought it would be fun to let off some steam, plant a few f-bombs, let our hair down and break a few nicey nicey blog rules. So please answer the following question as creatively and colourfully as you want.

What's your favourite swear word? I'll go first...

fuck.

Updated to add: I have been laughing all afternoon! This might be my favourite post ever. Check out a video link from Lori here, a link to the bad word dictionary from Julie, and a video clip that always makes me chuckle.

Comments

[sas]

fuck is the standard right?

ash and i call each other arseface and wankstain (affectionately). ooo also cocksucker.

occasionally cunt gets used (but i tend to save that one for special occasions).

bullshit is also a favourite.

[jen downer]

fuck fuck fuck a million times fuck.
when i really want to be shocking i'll throw around the c word... CUNT (gasp!)

[Lisa]

mine is fuck too. But trying to keep things fresh here...

wanker

[jen downer]

oh and usually bad drivers get called an amalgamation of things like "ass fuck" "dick wad" etc

[Katharina]

well, I'm from Germany, and my favorite swear word is scheisse! (shit) and yeah - fuck!

[Susannah]

the scope for creativity is fabulous, isnt it

Sas - wankstain is the winner, i think ;)

[furiousball]

chicken fucker

[Carrie]

i use so many! i mean, there's fuck, fucknut, douche, douchenozzle, douchemonger, cockandballs, cockfarmer, cock-knocker, douchenut and . . . jerkstove.

i use cockandballs quite frequently, but fuck is the old standby.

[doorways traveler]

fuck is good. but i prefer it with an "ing", as an adjective.

yes, sas wins for creativity.

xx

[Susannah]

Furiousball - i love how SPECIFIC that is

Carrie - douchenozzle - love it!

[Becky]

Hmm, I usually say bollocks or occasionally shit, but if its calling people names type swearing then wazzock and wankstain have been know to make an appearance too :o)

[Susannah]

LOL! Becky, youre killing me :)

[Leslie]

you know you can always get mr to chime in on THIS subject! Though there are SO many to choose from and so many golden classica already mentioned, here are mine...

My old standby: fucktard
My new favorite: dick hole
And the variation: fuck hole

love, Leslie

[Leslie]

oops, I meant "me"...HA why would I say "mr" GEEZ I mean (cough cough) aw, fuckhole...

[twitter.com/Anttix]

Most common I guess would be variants on 'fuck'

Fucking muppet would probably be the pick, usually directed at myself. As opposed to describing my favourite kind of pr0n.

[lunarmusings]

Fuck always feels good and its usually used when something goes wrong, but if someone frustrates me, and I'm in the middle of some crazed diatribe I'll go all spanglish on them (usually Jon) and call him a 'comemierda' which is spanish for shit eater. LOL... its more affectionate then it sounds, but the inflection is critical because 'comemierda' can also be quite mean.

[Steph]

Oh blimey, you're better than me if you manage to curb use at will. Mine just fly out of my mouth when I least expect them to. I was once left in the middle of my knitting class with a loud FUCKING left hanging in the air like a thundering cloud. NOT pretty.

[Rachel]

'I'm in Cunt Soup' is a goodie, 'what a load of ballsackery'.....'you fucking dickwad'.... think I'll shut up now, mine are a bit extreme, all I can say in my defence is that my mum was a hardcore swearer, guess I'm just hardwired that way!!!

[Karen D]

Mother Fucker!
You can say it when you are happy or mad it works either way ;-)

[janice Baer]

mother fucker for sure- i swear it will be my son's first words- eek!
i think i may have to borrow fucking muppet- that fits many an occasion.

[twitter.com/jakemessenger]

Fuck bugger bollocks usually does the trick - together or separately.

I learnt my swearing at the feet of my parents, particularly in the car with my dad. Favourite memory is him being cut up, overtaking the cutter-upper and my mum shouting "cuuuuuunt" out the window as we passed.

Even my grandfather said fuck on occasion. And I do try to be context-appropriate, lest I cause too much offence.

Oh yes, also "fucknuts".

[sleepygirl]

Gotta be fuck, shit, motherfucker, bitch, bitch-ass...this is fun! :-)

[Susannah]

Jake, the image of your mum shouting that out the window is making me laugh out LOUD :)

[victoria]

well, cocksucker kinda works well for me.

but i reserve mother fuckers, for the evil rich society women who drop their overly fortunate children at the private school across the street, for their constant abuse of their very important horn honking.

[Brigitte]

Fuck and all its delicious variations takes the cake.

My friend recently bought me a bag that says "I'm a crafty motherfucker." She prefaced the gift by saying that she knows I love to swear and that I like crafts. And she's right!

[Chris]

Oh, Fuck, definitely. It's a verb, a noun, an adjective! It's a brilliant word. My mother, bless her, got over my nasty mouth a long time ago. I don't even think she notices anymore.

[Chrysso]

'cunt soup' made me laugh SO much. Lately - p r i c k - has been making a comeback into my vocab! ck :) x

[Katherine]

Wankstain...never heard it, now love it, I will add a "fucking..." in front of it & start using it!

Personally I go with "mother fucking cocksucker" for being the quickest to melt alleviate a burst of anger. Anything with "fucking..." in front of it becomes better.

"Son-of-a-bitch" is also a popular one in my neck of the woods even for a non-directed explitive...like shit or damn.

[Theotherpete]

I'm not especially proud of this, but it's got to be "mother fucker." Two words. Mostly because it's got a whole variety of delivery options – from the long lingering "mmmmooooother..." to the sharply whispered "motherfucker." People in my office have learned to gauge just how bad the situation is by the particular variation they hear.

I'm really trying to break myself of the habit, though, as I do harbor aspirations of being a middle school teacher.

[anna]

Fuck is perhaps the most perfect word of all time... appropriate in sooo many situations..good and bad :)

I use it regularly, but like Susannah try very very hard to hold back when in the company of my Mother.

I suspect I was a sailor in a former life, as my vocabulary seems to allude to that.

Favorites: Fuck (and all variations) Cocksucker, Bitch, and the occasional Cock Sucking Mother Fucker when I'm particularly agitated.

[Susannah]

For the record: i love all of you :) im glad im not the only with a colourful vocab

i should add that my current fave is 'fucking bollocks'

I say it easily ten times a day.

[Melissa]

Fuck of course...it just works in so many situations. fucking cocksucker is also one of my favs.

[stacy]

not as creative, but i am a fan of "fucking fuck" or "fracking frack" around the little ones and family members. xo

[ShelliO]

Fuckery. As in "Me thinks much fuckery is a foot." That way I get the swearing urge satisfied but it sounds prettier when it's almost iambic pentameter.

[lisa h.]

"horse shit"

(I regularly read your blog, but I love that it takes something like this to get me to actually comment. Yeah, that's me all over...)

[Ingrid]

i really like this post. like, really, really like.

fucking awesome.

(variants of 'fuck' seem to be winning, yes? it is such a satisfying word to say!)

[brittany]

hehehe
ok....current fav = douchebag
and a slightly PG fav = poodoggers
fuckinghell is always a nice one as well.

[kristen]

fuck is far too common in my vocabulary... sentences often start with fucking...it's bad because my daughter has heard me swear far too much.

tool bag is also a favorite.

[Angie]

funt!

[Shanon]

This is so funny! And yes, I'm the exact same Susannah, I swear all the time in real life, but I never ever swear online, in emails, or in any other written form. It's sort of like if I say it out loud I can "hide the evidence" but having it written will leave it there for eternity. And of course, it's all in the inflection. You need to HEAR me to take it the right way. ; )

My words are Fucking, preferably with the "ing," Douche, and Son of a Bitch. The SOB is really new. I think it's come about because I keep yelling it at the men in Mad Men. =)

By the way, I still remember the first time I said "darn." As in the hierarchy of Dang, Darn, and Damn. It felt so shockingly good to my grade school brain that I knew I was on the slippery slope to Damn in no time!

[Shannon]

Motherfucker is an all time fave, though I prefer to refer to crap drivers as dumbass. If I'm feeling a bit anglophiliac then I pull out Bloody Hell. (It's great because most people in the US don't get that Bloody Hell=Fucking Hell anyway.)

[Willow81]

You can't beat 'fuck' for versatility. DH and I affectionately refer to one another as Spunkhound (that's me) and Dogshit (him). Wankstain has got to be a winner though Sas.

[Holly]

fuckity fuck fuck fucking fuck! Wahoo!!!
8 )

[Jet Harrington]

Oh. Dear. Constant laughter... belly hurts.

My uncle had a t-shirt that said, in several fonts, sizes, and directions, "fuck ____" with many options for things worth fucking, being fucked over, or fucked by: fuck this, that, bottle caps, the government, you, me, burnt toast, sales tax... you get the idea. I remember my mother being horrified the first time he wore it around us kids, but he did it so completely unapologetically that it was kind of charming.

My youngest sister is the most creative person i know at cussing, and will occasionally roll down her window and scream strings of curses to the world, claiming temporary tourettes. My favourite: ballsack sandwiches.

I'm not that creative: it's usually a variation of fuck, and i've learned some new ones here, like... fuckery? I LOVE THAT.

And in milder company, i will say shite, because i once heard my gracious Irish grandmother say it to great effect, and it stuck with me.

Susannah, THANK YOU for this.

[Nancy Boland]

All of them? I have a mouth that could rival a sewer.

Current favourites include; cocknose,knob and the always faithful fuck.

Oh and twat. That one is particularly satisfying.

:)
xo

[Kylie]

im a big swearer in real life, not just a potty mouth, but sewer mouth. I manage to turn it off for the blog. around my mum. around my kids. my fav word is fuck. but my secret word that I use when im around others i don't like to swear in front of is 'buick' gotta love made up words.

[Olivia Jeffries]

the household fave here is 'cunty' as in 'thanks for cooking me a great meal, the wine is a bit cunty though'...

i never thought of ever using the 'c' word until we moved into our current house. our (now ex) neighbors used it non-stop and we thought it was hilarious, they even called their children c's - they really were the worlds worst neighbors!

Also a good variant is using cunting instead of fucking...

it's cunting great!

:))

[lisa]

I swear a lot in a few different languages too. Fuck is a favourite word. Mangkuk is another which means a bowl in Malay (perfectly innocent) but Cunt in Japanese. It makes me smug to cuss a shopkeeper/client/etc in malay or chinese while smiling sweetly and winking at him hahaha. But my favourite memory of swearing is having my dad being called to school (Iwent to a catholic school) when I was 9 for writing *fuck sister laura, give me a, fucking migraine* into a haiku :P

[lu]

Hmmm, currently mine is "un-fucking-believable." Usually followed by a, "you must be out of your motherfucking mind" followed very closely by, "I can not believe this bullshit."

[Brandy]

Loving this post!!

Fuck is my standard go to.

Fuck shit balls. When things really hit the fan.

Douche bag(s), doucher(s)gets regular use in the car. Vancouver drivers are missing the part of their brains allowing for good driving sense.

Cocksucking Motherfucker for old times sake. My dad broke that one out when my brother and I were kids, after something went wrong in the microwave. My brother and I lost our shit, tears streaming down our little faces; priceless moment.