V Day

I haven't had cause to celebrate Valentine's Day over the last five years as I have been a single person for all that time; I did have a teeny tiny flingette in January 2008, but that's it. No bedroom traffic, no naughty texts and definitely no Valentine cards. At the end of last year i put out a request on Facebook asking what people would like to read in my book - a new friend of mine posed the following question:

'I'd like to know why the hell you're not dating at all. I find this so baffling. I can't imagine that it's due to a lack of opportunity. There must be more to it. If I was a man I certainly would make some lame pass at you.'

The sad truth is it IS due to lack of opportunity; my lone-wolf-work-at-home situation means I don't get to meet many eligible men. And by 'many' i mean none at all.

I have moments when my (lack of) marital status gets me down, when i miss having a companion to snuggle up on the sofa with and argue about who takes the recycling out, but I've been filling my life so enthusiasically with work I have kept most of the maudlin thoughts at bay. For a while there I'll admit I was avoiding anything that remotely suggested contact with the opposite sex; it has taken me many years to even get to the point where i could countenance such a thing. But here I am, five years into grief and healing, with a renewed sense of self and so much more to share with the world.. and with a partner.

And then February 14th swings around, and I find myself bristling at the onslaught of hearts and flowers and cheesy romantic slogans that i want to pooh-pooh; and yet there's still a little part of me who'd be thrilled to receive some flowers on Sunday. And yes, this e-card makes me giggle and would be more suited to my sense of humour - and maybe one day i will meet a partner-in-crime who knows that - but... well... I don't really know what I'm trying to say in this post. Just that - I am ready. And i remain patient, because there is much I must do this year, and, luckily, some of it will help me expand and welcome new opportunities into my life.

So for now I will continue to show myself kindness and love, as I really do believe that that's the best place to start. Because if i can't give myself that gentle gift, why would anyone else want to?

For my single sisters out there, and my coupled-up sisters too, here's a little bit of love* for your computer screen. Let's make this weekend about love in whatever shape we find it.
Small: 1024x768
Medium: 1280x1024
Large: 1600x1200
Extra wide: 1920x1200

* The images are for your personal use only and I retain the copyright, etc etc :) For more computer love check out Kate's lovely wallpaper here.

Comments

[thursday]

It's funny, because I've never thought of Valentine's Day as a couple thing. Why? Because as a kid, it was my MOM who was the best Valentine ever. She always got us the best candy and most special cards.

I've never been big on going out to eat (why on earth would you do that when you usually need to get reservations 2-3 MONTHS in advance??). Or getting flowers( also stupid because prices are MUCH higher now than any other time). Or candy. My husband and I rarely get each other cards anymore. I guess I'm not the romantic type? It may have bothered me a bit more when I was single. But the one year I actually did something on V-day, I was single! And I remember feeling good about the whole thing (and laughing because people thought we were on a date).

[catherine]

this made my day....its nice to know there are 'other single ladies' out there
thanks!

[charlane]

oh, i know this feeling well. i'm at that sad age where men my age want someone younger and older men are mostly coupled up. i do my best to keep up the cheer but this time of year tends to make me feel like an oddity. while i'm not 'glad' that i'm not in this boat alone, i am comforted to know that others have the same feelings as me.

hopefully tomorrow we can open the door and love will walk through in every shape and form, including a hunky hunk for fun and romance.

[Jill]

Amen to that, sister! Thanks for this lovely post. I feel that I'm at the same place you are. . .ready, and engaging in opportunities that bring me much joy. It took me so long to realize that loving myself isn't just an idea to think about, or something I say to myself and others that I do, but that it's really about taking action to love myself. Making time to do what I love. Surrounding myself with people I love. Doing many things as one, like travel, seeing plays, going to the orchestra, or to a new restaurant, even if I don't have a boyfriend or husband. Knowing I'm the one to take care of my mind, body and spirit. Keeping my life moving forward because I deserve it as an individual. That's truly loving myself.

I'm super excited about Valentine's Day for all these reasons. Love is important in this world. . . all types of love.

[ABCcreativity]

i love being single... i was a bit annoyed when i first started getting invitations for this for this weekend... it felt like a lot of people were doing the "let's have all us single people get together and party and have fun because otherwise we will all be at home crying".

but actually i'm super looking forward to it all now. i have an amazing weekend of celebrations of love lined up with all sorts of amazing people. love is all around us, all the time - it's nice to celebrate that at least once a year.

[Alanna]

This made me tear up. I don't know why. I am glad you're ready though and I hope you find that partner in crime. xo

[Marilyn]

This is beautiful wallpaper, thank you! And thank you for sharing this, I can totally relate to this. Before I met my bf I was single for quite a few years and I really did need that alone time to get my head right....it's still not right (lol) but I needed it. If you can show that kindness and love to yourself then that is quite an achievement since so many struggle just to do that.

[little miss b]

I'm single and generally ignore and scorn valentines, but this year I'm making it about reminding my friends that I love and appreciate them. Than way we all win. Thanks for the lovely wallpaper. x

[Samantha]

I would just like to add that some of us, even though we are married, attached etc. still do not get anything on Valentines, not even an I love you, a lousy card or anything. We can all dream.

[Marthe]

Thank you for sharing!

Love will come when you stop looking for it.

At least that is what happened to me:) Just stay patient and take good care of yourself in the meantime so when it happens you are ready.

[Lili]

I think throughout my dating history, my time has been evenly divided between being single and being part of a couple on Valentine's Day and I've gotta say, I prefer being single on Valentine's Day! Not having a boyfriend meant I could have multiple Valentines with my girl as well as guy friends. ;)

You'll have your partner in crime and in the meantime keep being your beautiful self with all the love you have to give to yourself and others and the things you love. I think just by you putting it out there into the universe "I'm ready" will push good things in your direction even more. Have a happy weekend!

[Shanon]

Maybe you need more deliveries to your house from hot delivery men? Or break something and call a handy man? =)

I think that the fact that you've had love before shows that you are destine for love again. I hope he shows up soon and sweeps you off your feet! (And you off his. I'm an equal opportunity sweeper.)

[chantelle {fat mum slim}]

This is so beautiful... and I think be whispering to the universe that you're ready.. it's a beautiful tip-toe towards love.

I work as a Nanny and it's a lonely job. No workmates {except the gorgeous kidlets} and no work parties/functions.

I met my beautiful husband, and feel blessed... but I know that feeling of working alone.

I am going to make Valentine's Day a day of sharing love with whoever it may be. That's what I want to teach my daughter. It's not about anything commercial if you don't want it to be... it's about love, and sharing it. So I'll tell my husband how much I love him, as I always do, and I'll smother my baby in cuddles.

And as she grows I'll give her handmade notes that will make her smile, and her little heart sing. x

[Bea]

A bit teary right now — your partner in crime is out there, lovely. He's stealing his way to you. I just know it x x

[Marianne @ Zen Peacekeeping]

Fortunately I live in a bubble (also known as my kitchen) in which Valentine's Day does not exist. Hell would freeze over before my boyfriend would partake in the consumer madness of V-Day and in the two years we've been together I've only ever had one vaguely romantic note from him. It was a birthday card signed "I'm grateful to have you in my life". Romance, shmomance.

But it's true, cuddles are great. Sex can be fantastic. Most of all, having someone who believes in your dreams and laughs at your jokes is wonderful.

Still, none of it can take place of knowing that you are your own solid ground. And it doesn't replace having a deeply rooted circle of friends and family.

As you know only too well, the people and things that we hold most dear can be gone in a flash. The only company we are guaranteed to have until we die is our own, so there is nothing more foundational than finding our own solid ground.

You've learned to be your own best friend and to enjoy your own company. So many people never manage that.

[Hannah Sadie]

Beautiful post, I'm glad you shared your thoughts. Although I'm paired up right now, I'll be spending V-day with a friend who is less-than-happy about her love life. Sure we'll be eating ice cream and watching some good movies but sometimes that's just what she needs. My partner and I will be having a little celebration after, on the 25th - flowers go on sale, neither of us really believe in Hallmark holidays, and it's kind of our half-anniversary.

All the time alone you've had must mean there is an extra extra special someone waiting just around the corner for you - I truly believe it!

[Marjorie]

I am (loved)! Last night, I thought of all the special people in my life, and I was surprised to find that I do have a lot of love in my life. Love to give, love to share, and of course, love to receive.
Glad that you are (ready). :)
Feb 14, 2010 is also the Chinese New year by the way. so Happy hearts day and Kung Hei Fat Choi! xoxo

[vanessa joie]

I hope you have a weekend full of love - from where ever that may be. Have you listened to the song Concrete Bed by Nada Surf? It says "to find someone you love you've got to be someone you love" I keep repeating it to myself. Not that I don't like (or love) myself. I've spent the last several years shying away from romance for various reasons ... but I know that will change when I'm ready. Until then I will lavish my family, my friends, and my little puppy dog with all the love in my heart.

[Vanya]

I hear ya, single and not a birdy on the horizon, the joys of working in interior design where all the men are gay! Usually I'm a bit dark on the whole V day thing too, but this year I have decided to send the love out into the universe and not dwell.

Have a great day what ever you decide to do :)

[Rachel]

I hear ya sista!! I work at home too and feel like trying to meet someone new is another full time job! Good luck in finding someone!

[ingrid]

i was raised with the idea that valentine's day is a day to celebrate all kinds of love - the love of family and the love of friends and the love of partners.. though flowers would be an awfully nice gift for you or for me, i want to remind you that you are loved by so many people and that the right man for you will wander along soon enough! <3

[Vedrana M.]

hugs for you :) and thank you, my computer screen looks lovely

[Elizabeth Scott]

Thanks for the lovely wallpaper.
I used to hate V day when single :( then I got married and enjoyed it :) then divorced and hated it :( but starting last year, for some reason, I decided it was a day to celebrate all types of love and now I enjoy giving my kids and friends treats to let them know how much I appreciate their love and friendship.
Hope you have a Happy V Day-and remember you are loved by many!!!(especially your past Unravelling students :)

[suzie]

this really moved me, and you sounds so gorgeous and delightful and deserving of being cherished....if I was a bloke I'd 'ave yer, luv!!

[Van Kapeghian]

I agree - defining love is like categorizing the sand crystals you find at the beach. Just enjoy the warmth and be happy - that's the secret.

oh crap, i just told everyone the secret.

[jessica]

single ladies united!! ♥

[Fiona]

Wonderful post. Thanks for the reminder :)

[Amy]

(heavy sigh~)
Thank you for giving a voice to us singletons who find themselves on a path they didn't know existed on any map!
Bravo~

[Laura]

For the last 5 years I have transformed valentines day into a day of love, writing down the things i love, the people, the smells & the tastes.
I do have someone to stand by my side on this day and others, but to me the day is about love as a whole in all it's different forms, not just chocolates and flowers.
Thank you for your beautiful and honest post x

[Ana F.]

Thank you for the wallpaper. I hope you have a lovely weekend!

[Paty]

Susannah, this is so perfect!

I already installed it and it will be a great reminder for this month and times to come, I am loved! You are loved! We are loved!

Thank you so much and I know that this year has many good surprises for all of us, let's just be open to receive them!

[Francesca]

Brilliant post, thanks Susannah! As a fellow long-term single gal myself, I really appreciate how well you articulate the whole Valentine's Day feeling, and how important it is to be kind to and love ourselves whether or not we've got romance in our lives. Meanwhile, putting ourselves out there - with readiness and patience - is key. Good luck and good love to you, and to all us single ladies!
xoxo

[maggie may]

My marriage is in a rough patch, so Vday is hard for many of us, single or otherwise. Happy Day of Love, wherever it finds itself!

[Lee]

May love always flow into your life...

[Holly]

This post is lovely, V-day is tough on my family {divorced parents, one having found a partner and going off to do lovely things, leaving my mum alone, me having no boyfriend etc} But this post is definately very inspiring, I'm going to spend today doing everything I love.
I hope you find someone lovely and worthy of you soon.

[Amy]

Happy Valentines Day to you Susannah. I am sure you will find everything you are looking for. You seem to be heading in exactly the right direction.

I was a long term single person then suddenly wooosh I fell in love. I can even pin point the exact second it happened. Love tends to appear and surprise you.

[barbara]

thankyou, you made me laugh with your post, so many things i feel.. love the card!! :-)

[Laine]

What a beautiful, inspiring desktop... It's so soft, pretty, & so warm & loving - what an absolute delight.

On the single front - I got a text message from a friend on Valentines Day and it summed things up nicely:
To all my lovely ladies - Happy Love Day! Let's love ourselves stupid. xo

I don't think Valentines Day has to necessarily be about a romantic kind of love... it can be about any kind of love, so long as its real & authentic.

http://www.ninesixlane.blogspot.com/

[Se'lah]

What a moving post. May love find you wherever you are today.

one love.

[Qui]

Susannah, I think it's time you come up with a new creative habit that may also catch you a man. Once a week, find a wonderful outdoor cafe with coffee or pastries you really love and go have one while you people watch. Do this for two months. If you don't become the "Polaroid" girl regular and start meeting ppl who also hang out there, switch to bookstores..do that for two months.
You are too awesomely creative, beautiful and sweet to stay single..and you're ready (your words). Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and we need to break our single habits in order to NOT be any more. :)